The Highs and Lows of a Year off the Booze
I honestly don’t know the last time I had a beer, but as far as I can recall it’s been roughly a year, which feels like a good time to write something about this, ah, lifestyle choice. Don’t fear: I’m no evangelist. There have been plenty of upsides to easing off and stopping supping ale, but some pretty hefty (and probably obvious) downsides too. This blog post reflects my personal experience over the past 12 months.
Why? Why? Why?
First up I’d best address the question of why. Why deny myself the pleasure of a fine dark porter, the hoppy beauty of an IPA or the refreshing hit of a cold lager on a warm summer evening? I’ve been asked this question quite a bit, and each time I end up awkwardly mumbling out a different answer. The most pure, honest answer is: I really don’t know for sure why I’ve given up. That’s not particularly satisfying response mind you. I should make it clear at this point that I wasn’t alcohol-dependent, at least not in my opinion. I did have a habit of drinking to excess, perhaps not to deliberately get drunk, but once I’d started drinking I found it hard to stop and would sometimes end up with little memory of the previous evening, spending much of the next day (or even two days) feeling ill. I sometimes joke (to myself) that I gave up alcohol as I was allergic to it: whenever I drank it made me ill.
Anyway, if pushed for an answer I’d say there was (and still are) a range of responses, all of which are a small part of the picture:
- It became obvious just before I turned 40 that I’ve lived with fairly high levels of anxiety for most of my life. I have no idea why, but it came to a head when chest and back pains and breathing difficulties had me in the back of an ambulance where I was told there’s nothing physically wrong with me. That was a shock, I just thought of myself as being a bit ‘stressed’ by work before then. The more I considered my internal thought processes over the subsequent years I realised I get anxious about going into all sorts of situations, and would (when I could) drink to try and ease these symptoms. About 18 months ago I had what I’d call a crisis, staring out ahead of me with no idea what to do with life, and the anxiety problem went ballistic, to the point I didn’t want to do anything. It was obvious something had to give, and I started easing off the ale at that point (at some point I stopped completely about this time last year, it just felt the natural thing to do). It wasn’t a simple fix, but going sober’s helped me personally handle my anxiety.
- At that point 18 months back I weighed 90Kg (14 stone 2lb). I was in fairly poor shape, with a BMI of 28. The NHS website BMI calculator told me this meant I was overweight, not far off being obese. That was a shock. I thought of myself as being a bit overweight at the time, but my weight was creeping up and shortly I’d be obese, with all the associated health implications (my mum’s long had diabetes, and suffers all kinds of problems as a result). That, I really, really didn’t want. Again, something had to change (I’m now 71Kg, with a ‘healthy’ BMI of 22, and run marathons).
- Getting financially independent drew back a curtain for me, showing just how much control other people had over my life. In the corporate career I had, being a ‘yes man’ was important. No-one was rewarded for speaking their minds, and I very often found myself holding my tongue when frankly daft stuff was happening around me. The pressure built up inside. I had to be at my desk at 8:30am on a Monday morning (I’m currently sat a home on a Monday tapping this out), and if I wanted to take a month off to travel, well, no, I’d be sacked if I did that. How does this relate to drinking? Well, I started to see drinking in a similar light: the more I eased off the beer, the more push-back I got from the world around me, which I sensed as a form of control I really didn’t like and refused to accept.
- I’ve a compulsive personality, and I enjoy a long-term (multi-year) challenge, like getting financially-free or giving up booze.
- My parents don’t drink. My dad and his siblings suffered from drunk parents when growing up, going without food and even clothes. My parents have always been good role models.
These points are all very personal to me. I drank for 25 years, and I feel like I’ve supped enough for a lifetime, but I’ve no interest in trying to persuade anyone else to abstain. Why would I? Unless they happen to have exactly the same set of reasons as me, then anything I say would (and should) carry no weight. Each to their own folks, do whatever feels rights to you, it’s your life.
What’s Been Good About Giving up Alcohol?
This is going to be by far the easiest section of this post, and probably the most predictable. I’ll include it anyway, to give some balance:
- I really, really don’t miss hangovers.
- I like myself better as a person. There’s no more quickly tidying the bottles away of a morning.
- I still have the anxiety to deal with, but I feel I have a better understanding of it and more control.
- I can remember much more of conversations I had the previous evening. I’ve long had a terrible memory, which adds to my anxiety (not being able to recall people’s names or the their children’s names tightens my chest up) and anything which helps is a relief.
- I was getting more and more judgmental when drunk; I’m much more understanding when I’m sober.
- We’re (probably) saving a fair bit of money. This isn’t a motivation for me, but it is helpful.
- I personally find it easier to get and stay fit when I’m not drinking.
Many of these benefits could be had (and the downside below avoided) by drinking with moderation. Based on personal evidence of many years of drinking, this isn’t something I’m good at! I find it really hard to drink on some occasions and not at others, the social pressure is just too high. If I don’t drink at all it feels like giving myself a gift, another form of freedom, when I no longer have to make a choice each and every time I go out. This works best for me.
What’s Not Been Good about Giving up Alcohol
Thinking about it, this is probably a pretty predictable list too, these are the downsides of sobriety from my experience over the past 12 months:
- By FAR the biggest downside is the social awkwardness of it all. It takes strength to be sat on a table where everyone’s drinking except you. I can’t over-state how hard this part of the ‘challenge’ this is. I suspect if I had a physical reason I couldn’t drink (a liver problem perhaps) then folks around me would find that much easier to understand. I have considered lying and saying I have such an issue, or pretending I need to drive or some such, but I haven’t so far. My problem’s a mind one, and even though mental health is a more widely discussed issue these days, it’s not something we’re generally comfortable discussing or have much chance of understanding. On the plus side, once everyone’s had a drink or two no-one gives a monkeys whether I’m drinking or not and unless folks have a skinful, I can’t tell they’re whether they’re drinking or not either. It also got easier over time, as more and more people knew, and I gained confidence I was doing the right thing for me.
- I feel like a bit of a freak sometimes, but that doesn’t just apply to giving up the booze, so I live with it. No, I don’t just live with it, that’s wrong, I like being different, in the sense I enjoy the self-determination of it all. If there’s something I don’t want to do, unless it’s an obligation of some sort, I ain’t doing it if I don’t want to. Thankfully my wife and mates tend to roll their eyes at my excesses and compulsions and accept them.
Erm, that’s it. I’ve got a cracking life, no Sunday night or post-holiday blues (but also no Friday afternoon excitement), no silent struggles with a boss I didn’t choose and don’t respect, no headache-inducing commutes, no pretending to work when my motivation’s rock bottom. Other than my inherent anxiety, there is no need to ‘take the edge off’ with a drink. I celebrate my life (quietly, to myself) every day, most conscious moments, Champagne’s redundant. Will I always feel this way? Will I never drink again? Who knows? My answer to this is: when I feel like drinking again, I will. I just haven’t felt like it yet, perhaps I never will.
Cheers folks, Jay
What a great and ‘refreshing’ post Jay – like one of the great 0% alcohol beers you can get these days :-)
I really identified with this bit “…the more I eased off the beer, the more push-back I got from the world around me, which I sensed as a form of control I really didn’t like and refused to accept.”
I have found some mates just won’t ask me to the pub now I don’t drink and having thought about this aspect a lot I think it’s like I have broke some sort of British social contract where if I’m in the pub and NOT drinking then you are in some subliminal way saying you are actually happy and content with yourself as you don’t feel the need to get wasted?
I know personally when I was unable to say no to extra rounds of beers and or shots that I was doing so a lot of the time to forget or at least not fully process some aspects of my current or past life I wasn’t happy with. I’m not for one minute saying ALL drinkers and people who go to pubs are like this but the social pressure to drink for those above a certain age is HUGE and the hardest part of not drinking for me when in the UK. However maybe this is a generational thing in the UK as apparently “more than a quarter of 16- to 24-year-olds do not drink, compared with just over a fifth of the broader adult population.” via a 2017 study? Where I am in Spain at the moment they even do 0% alcohol on draft here which makes social occasions much easier although I still haven’t found a non alcoholic wine that’s anywhere near passable as what I know wine as from my drinking days! All the best.
Hi Andy. There’s no getting away from the fact we’re expected to drink. It’s ingrained into our society. I’m very thankful I wasn’t addicted to ale, that must be an incredibly tough gig. My feeling is if some mates won’t invite me out, either I need new mates or I need to consider how I’m acting while I’m out. I try to accept I’m the odd one out (which I am), accept I’ll be constantly questioned about why I’m not drinking, accept I’ll be judged as a boring old fart (guilty as charged!). One life though – no-one is going to be stood by my death bed reassuring me I was right to live life on their terms.
I had some Freedamm on draft in San Sebastian, really nice, creamy stuff, lovely and chilled. As you say, there seems to be a shift towards a bit more alcohol-free drinking in the younger Brits, so maybe this ‘fitting in’ issue will drift away over time, like those who gave up smoking. We’ll see eh.
Cheers for the message – always good to know there’s someone else rowing in the same lifeboat, adrift in the open seas!
Cheers, Jay
Another non-drinker here, with a similar problem in knowing when to stop, mainly to overcome social anxiety. I just say ‘ I feel much better without it’ when questioned. And yes, I do !
Good answer. I’ll nick that, thanks.
A very interesting read, thanks for sharing your thoughts on the subject.
I was for most of my adult life a binge drinker, Saturday night was get hammered night, and I really enjoyed it, had some great times. About four years ago I had a very challenging contract to do in a very tight time frame, so I told my mates not to bother asking me to the pub for the next six weeks as I would be grafting 12hrs/7days a week, and that was it, In that six week period, alcohol lost it’s grip on me. After breaking the cycle/habit, I now hardly ever go, I just don’t feel like it. I’ve discovered a seventh day in the week where I can do useful stuff, not lie on the sofa all day feeling dreadful. I still have the very occasional glass of wine in the house, maybe one a week, but I could very easily not bother at all.
It’s not been a conscious decision, it’s just happened without forethought or plan but I feel a lot better for it.
It’s been a lot easier to give up alcohol than it was to give up smoking, that was tough.
A vEry interesting read. Most of what we do, we do because we feel we have to you have clearly shown that making some big [brave] decisions to do what you want not what you feel you have to do is also possible. I admire you both for the decisions you have made to do what you want to get the best from your lives. Good luck and I await your next travel blogs😊
I can so relate to this.
I’d been wanting to have a break from booze for years and in the past 2 years have also welcomed anxiety into my life.
I’ve had at times gone booze free for 1 or 2 months and felt great.
My why was similar but the catalyst was getting really drunk in Spain last year and just being really silly, thinking I was funny but In fact I was embarrassing myself and then I had the gilts for 4-5days and couldn’t sleep properly.
I also wanted to do something with my fitness and it is much easier when you don’t drink.
I find it easy to not drink when socialising, I’ve often been the driver so would try and keep it to 1 drink when out anyway. What I find hard is at the end of the day, enjoying a sunset drink (but now I go running, riding, walking) or Sunday arvo just hanging around and relaxing and watching some tv.
The final straw for me is when we went to Africa for my brothers wedding, he unfortunately is an alcoholic (as is his twin) and seeing how much he isn’t in control of his life, emotions, money, EVERYTHING……I actually started to feel repulsed with the booze. From then I promised myself I would try for 12 months but considering how much I’ve gained in my life since then and how good I feel physically and emotionally I think I will go booze free for as long as I can. I have Paris marathon in April so will Defo be until then anyway. I have had half a glass here and there but find it real easy to stop, which is great.
Also have to say that catching up with you guys in Paris last year helped us and planted the seed, so a big thanks for that one too.
Rose and Paul xxx
Hi Rose
Thanks very much for writing this, some I knew but most was news to me. I’m sorry to hear about your brother, I imagine that’s very tough on everyone around him. I also imagine the climb up onto the wagon was so easy for me compared with anyone in his position.
You have my utmost respect for nailing the running, especially in the conditions you have to work in! If you’re anything like me though, the payback makes it not just ‘worth it’ but gives me a great buzz (usually, not always!).
Keep pushing on! The marathon distance has given me a new insight into who I am. They say the race starts at 20 miles, and they’re not kidding. It’s when I’m feeling wiped, want to give in and walk, aching, drained, that’s when I really discover what’s inside. The uplift in self-worth is hard won, but worth every moment of effort.
Cheers, thanks again, Jay
Good result, that’s what matters really. You’re feeling better, healthier and happier and that’s all that matters.
I gave up for about 8 months last year and didn’t miss it, it’s been easy to slip back in to the habit and my weight has crept back up too no doubt because of booze and the weakness in resolve it delivers.
Always had a too much or none relationship and think when I retire (FI this year) I’ll wind it down and possibly stop again so I can focus on health properly.
I want to say thank you for your honesty as per, your posts are always raw and interesting in equal measure.
Stay well.
Cheers Jamie, you stay well too mate, Jay
Very well verbalised Jason,
Thank you for sharing with honesty. “Grey area drinking”…nowhere near rock bottom but not content with a glass one or twice a year! When you can have a look at https://youtu.be/wvCMZBA7RiA (Jolene Park’s TED talk) and her thoughts on improving your nervous system resilience.
Thank you…you guys were my blueprint for Hymer travel ;-)
Brendon
B-584
Well done mate I feel proud when I tell people I don’t drink alcohol .
I stopped for six months…9 years ago. I don’t think I’ll ever go back to drink and neither will you, probably!I tell people, when they ask me what I want to drink,that I don’t, ever and when they ask why I tell them, because I just did it too much and it was either stop,or turn professional at it. They either accept it or they don’t, not my problem, its theirs.
Cheers Jason and here’s to the calm
Well done you. Drank in my 20 but now drink the odd Port. I can socialise and not have a drink only water. I too suffer from Anxiety and likes to stay in control.
Hi Jason,
Well done for being so self aware and so open in talking about it. A lot of what you wrote resonated with me, especially from a carear perspective. I think as you get older you realise how false and controlled life can become and how much we are pressured into conforming to that sort of living. I also don’t drink, sadly I am allergic to alcohol so gradually found I was able to tolerate less and less alcohol over a period of time. I was never a heavy drinker but I do miss being able to have the occasional glass of red wine. My friends accept that I don’t drink and thankfully have never tried to pressure me into doing so. I also have problems with anxiety and find that staying away from any kind of stimulant really helps, along with mindfulness meditation and accepting that certain things will trigger it. Motorhoming has been my salvation as it has helped me become more spontaneous and helped with my social anxiety as I have never come accross such friendly community of people as other motorhomers. Keep doing what you are doing as it is obviously working great for you and keep blogging, you may not realise it but you are inspiring us all with your travels and adventures.
Thanks Liz, and happy travels! Jay
Hi I drink wine but when we go on a cruise I don’t drink for the three weeks as it is to expensive. My husband gave up drinking for twenty years, as the beer was being brought our at work meetings and he felt he should not drink at work, also he was drinking to much. We lost lots of friends but we also found lots more.
Then a few years ago in retirement we were walking the via de la plata and it was cold, being Spain it is either wine or water with a meal, he had wine. Since then he has a moderate amount of wine or beer. This has meant that when out walking we will stop at a bar and have a drink of cold beer on a hot day which I missed and can now enjoy. When my husband does something it is all or nothing so there was no stopping at bars as he did not drink and neither of us like soft drinks.
Carry on going without but your outlook may change over time.
Sound advice, thanks Moira. Jay
Great post. I am currently three months in to not drinking, I too didn’t drink heavily but it was a part of life. A few glasses of wine a couple of times week nights, a few beers at the weekend because well, it was the weekend and so on. I actually come from a family of heavy drinkers, both brothers and my late father always drank in excess and my father working for the brewery meant there was always alcohol around when I was growing up. I have found it strange how everyone has pushed against me deciding to go alcohol free. It does not affect them so why do people have such a hard time with it? I have found the alcohol free beers help as I am not a fan of pop (soda). Great job sticking with it and I agree it does feel like another form of control over you when you are a part of it, if people want to drink fine but I am with you in enjoying the benefits of an alcohol free life.
I gave up drinking when I was pregnant with my son. At the time my husband and I were police officers, working full shifts, meaning one or other of us was often in the house alone with our baby. By this time in my career I’d been to two cot deaths where it was arguable that had both parents not been affected by heavy at-home drinking sessions they might have have heard and been able to respond to a struggling infant rather than surfacing mid-morning to the tragedy of one who died several hours earlier. The truth is no one will ever know, but I certainly wasn’t prepared to take that risk. Added to that we witnessed first hand the darker side of drinking. My husband was a Senior Investigating Officer on Traffic who attended and investigated fatal road accidents. As a custody inspector my Saturday and Sunday morning routines were dominated by the aftermath of drink related arrests when the suspects were sufficiently sober to engage in the judicial process – domestics, drink driving, assaults, criminal damage, public order, alcoholism … the list is endless. We both retired after more than 60 years policing between us and our son is now 19. Other than the occasional glass of celebratory Champagne, I still don’t drink. The only downside is managing more persistent individuals at social gatherings who do not believe alcohol free enjoyment to be possible. This I view as a desire to normalise their lifestyle choice. Consequently, I don’t explain or apologise, just politely decline. I totally get your rationale, Jay, about the role alcohol free beer can play in this scenario, but I’m now well versed in firmly holding my ground (and my soft drink). With part of our police pension lump sum we bought a long awaited motorhome which we call Dignity (after the Deacon Blue song). We both now work in less stressful ‘normal’ jobs and enjoy MH breaks whenever we can. The longer term plan, when our son finishes university, is to finish work completely, downsize our life and travel extensively, including a gap year in Europe (they didn’t exist when we were young). Your excellent, informative blogs have kept us going and our long awaited travels are within touching distance! Thank you.
Hmmm, I wouldn’t have lasted 5 minutes in the police, you have my utmost respect. Thankfully I only see the relatively benign side of the ale, unless I end up in the QMC with my folks of a Saturday night… I used to listen to Dignity every day on the way to work, I love that song. Good luck for your future plans, thanks for leaving this comment, food for thought, Jay