Preparing to Fly Home, Nerja, November 2020
The news from home hasn’t been good. Mum had a serious stroke last week. My dad was in the St John’s Ambulance for years and knows his first aid, he saw the signs immediately and called 999. He nursed mum until the paramedics arrived and took her to the Queen’s Medical Centre in Nottingham. The information we can get from this point is a little limited. Dad’s lung disease means no-one wants him to go to the QMC where COVID-19 is obviously prevalent, so he has to rely on them calling him once a day, or he spends hours trying to get through to the ward on the phone.
A specialist has spent time on the phone with Dad a couple of times and, after being asked to give the news straight, has made it clear mum isn’t coming back to us, despite an emergency operation, several scans and, I fully expect, the very best treatment our NHS can provide. He said she hasn’t regained any form of consciousness, and isn’t aware of what is happening around her, which is a huge blessing. We’re all now waiting. Thankfully, Dad can take care of himself (cooking, cleaning, driving, finances etc), and he has support from a lot of fantastic people back home, including my sister and her wonderful family who live nearby. Dad, I love you more than you can ever know, you’re such an inspiration to me and I’m so grateful for everything you and mum have given me, all the sacrifices you made.
Out here Ju has been brilliant for me. The shock and grief of what has happened is hitting us both, of course, but she’s sorted all the logistics to get us home. After thinking it through as best we can, we’ve opted to fly home next Monday (a lot of flights are cancelled at the moment). The mechanic who was going to come to the site and look at the wheel didn’t show, on two occasions. So we’ve now run out of time and emotional capacity for getting it fixed, we’ll sort it in the future. It could be a sign, as we probably don’t want to be driving half way across Europe in a state of grief, potentially being stopped by police to justify our journey at all the closed municipal and regional borders. Andalusia announced further restrictions to try and control COVID-19 on Sunday, closing off the borders between towns for any non-essential activity, which means we can still get to Málaga airport (about 30 miles away and across several new borders) but we can’t come back until these restrictions are eased. Leaving Zagan here will also give us a mental lift of knowing we should be able to fly back some weeks/months in the future and either retrieve the van at our leisure, or spend a few months here in the winter/spring of 2021, if fate decides to allow it.
We’ll store the van at the campsite we’re on, which is fenced with a locked gate and long-termers living on site (other vans are stored here). Safeguard were very good, trying to find a way to keep the underwriters insuring the van, but since we’ve no idea how long it will be before we can return they won’t cover it while we’re away. We’ve taken this risk before with Dave, our previous van, getting 3rd party insurance in a few non-EU countries. It’s one reason we choose older vans, to keep the potential financial hit of not being able to claim on insurance down in these unusual situations. Not ideal, but none of this is.
We’re grateful to be in such a beautiful place to receive such dark news. My poor Dad has to relay the latest information, each day worse than the last, and the days are spent checking the phone for messages, in a growing sense of dread. We’re enormously thankful for the scenery around us. The lapping pure waters of the Med, the vivid lush vegetation, the mountains, whitewashed Moor-inspired villas and the pale blue skies, they all make it just a bit easier to hear.
Nerja is very, very quiet now. Many hotels and some restaurants and shops are closed. The beaches are nigh-on empty, just the odd kayak being calmly paddled along or a lone swimmer or snorkeler disturbing the water. The poor guys selling handbags and belts on the beaches have no business, we bought a ‘branded’ facemask from one of them to help a tiny bit. The chiringuito (a sort of very informal restaurant) by the beach is still open, with the tables outside and spaced apart, just a QR code instead of paper menus, so we’ve been in for paella and deep fried aubergine with cane honey, enjoying a slight sense of normality for an hour. Once we’re home we’ll be quarantined in four walls and a small courtyard. We’re grateful for our safe bolt-hole, but we’re not looking forward to another two weeks locked in. We have each another though. Also, my folks and millions like them have shielded without leaving their homes for months and we always knew this would happen if we came back.
I’ve had root canal treatment and I was very grateful the dentists were still working through this stage of the pandemic. I went three times, each time being greeted by Brigitte, the highly efficient English-speaking receptionist, head-to-toe in PPE. Each time she did a temperature check before letting me in, got me to sanitize my hands and popped me alone into the waiting room (which had an outside balcony so I sat on that). Once in the chair it felt odd taking my mask off, especially being so close to people and indoors. They’ve a special mouthwash which kills the virus. The root canal treatment was painless and thorough, but didn’t half throw a lot of material into the air. I feel certain I don’t have the virus, but they don’t know that and one of the dentists was in her 60s, I think. They gave me a temporary filling and I was due to get a crown impression taken later, but we’d decided to head home to support Dad as best we can, so there’s no time to make the crown. They have given me a new permanent filling, and strict instructions to not eat anything hard on it until it has a crown, or it may snap again. I’m really pleased as it means I don’t have to worry about my teeth while we’re in quarantine, or having to try and get an appointment quickly once we’re allowed out.
When we packed for this trip we brought most of our clothes into the van, including much of our winter gear, as we might have visited friends in the mountains on our way home in the spring. We don’t bring suitcases with us, as they’re too bulky. After eyeballing the prices for luggage on Ryanair and trying to guess how much we need to take, we’ve opted for a 10kg carry-on bag each, in addition to the tiny bag you’re allowed with the cheapest tickets (£75 for both of us). Ju’s been to the local market and bought a case made to the exact dimensions the airlines require. We have a few small rucksacks, so will use them for the rest of our stuff. We’ll wear our winter coats to travel, and may need to buy some clothes at home to keep us going.
We’ve a taxi booked from the campsite to Málaga airport (€66), and are flying into East Midlands in the UK, where we plan to take an Uber home (£30). We’ll switch the fridge on and get a fire going and have arranged a Sainsbury’s delivery for the following day, so we’ll have plenty of food with which to sit out our quarantine. With Dad shielding, the need to self-isolate and the UK in lockdown, our physical presence in the UK won’t be of much use, but if the worst comes to the worst, we will be legally able to attend a funeral even in the quarantine period. We’ll bring our laptops home, so can continue working on our next book, a welcome distraction and focus at the moment.
So, that’s it. Everyone on earth will know this, but for when I read this back in future: the positive news at this point is that at least one vaccine appears to work, and could potentially start being rolled out in December 2020. The various forms of restrictions across Europe seem to be starting to bring the surging second wave under control. Large-scale rapid testing has begun back home, soon to be available in our native Nottinghamshire, which might also help. It seems there is light at the end of the Covid-19 tunnel.
We might go quiet now for a while as we get through this, or we might blog to distract ourselves. We wanted to say a big thank you to everyone who has been in touch with such kind words of support. There have been so many that we’ve been unable to respond to each of you. They are hard to read at times, but they do really mean a lot to us.
Jay
Update – Jay’s Mum sadly passed away that afternoon. We’re looking after each other and Jay’s family as best we can. Ju x
I am devastated for you both, such sad news from home. The shock of the situation might have you thinking back on your decision to travel to Spain, but we all make the best decisions we can given a certain set of circumstances. Be kind to yourselves. I wish you both safe travels home.
Pretty sure isolation is only 10 days now as you come back into UK
At the moment it’s still 14 days, but you can be sure we’ll be keeping an eye on it. Ju x
Anyone who has been there will have tears reading about the situation you’re now in, made so much worse by covid. Just keep loving yourselves and your family & friends, if there is any good it is how much you will all help each other and hopefully come out with even stronger ties between you. All my sympathy –
Sad, sad news. All strength to your dad and the whole family – such difficult times. Take great care of yourselves.
We too are devasted for you, such unbelievably painful times. You weren’t to know when you decided to travel. Sending hugs, keep calm and love one another. Love to your poor dad he must be hurting so much. Cruel times. Keep 💪 🙏🏼
Like all your real and virtual friends, I am so sorry to hear your sad news and I wish you well. The next few weeks will be tough but I feel sure you will find the love, distractions and comfort to get you through this difficult time.
Thinking of you at this very difficult time – especially when I drive past QMC
Axx
So sorry to read such sad news. These are very difficult times made even more difficult by lack of hugs. Sending you a virtual one 🤗
Hi Jay, sorry about your Mum, hard times. You and your dad will feel better knowing you are closer, even if you have to wait out the quarantine yet again. We will be thinking about you.
Jay, I am so sorry to hear this, but I’m so glad you found some comfort in your beautiful surroundings. Spain in the most part is a very peaceful place and I’m hoping you can take some of that with you as you travel and on your return to Nottingham. Sending hugs and all my thoughts for you and your family. Jxx
Stay safe and the best of luck with everything 🙏
Your story is very touching. You have my sympathy. I live in Malaga but I know the area where you are extremely well. Wish you a safe trip home and a speedy resolution to these difficult times Have enjoyed your blog very much
Very kind regards. Michael Levy.
So sad to to hear your news and wish you a safe journey back to Nottingham – my home town. I enjoyed reading about your stay in Nerja, one of my favourite places. Mentioning Burriana beach made my mouth water, we enjoyed many a meal at Ayo’s. I will send healing vibes to your parents and all concerned. Xx
Really feel for you both & send our best wishes to your dad also.
So sorry about your terrible news. Stay strong and keep well for your Dad in the coming weeks.
Do gove my regards and love to Mae and the family at the campsite. I have stayed there every winter for many many years and it is truly unique. On not sure if ai will be able to stay this February as usual but I hope so. Take card,God bless and thank you for all your news from a place I love . Jackie xx
Jay I am so sorry to read this news. My thoughts are with you and your family at this difficult time. Thank goodness you have someone as good as Ju to support you. Paul
Sorry to hear the sad news of your mother and wishing you and your family well. I enjoyed reading of your travels and places you visited. A bit of light relief in Tier 3 Scotland.
Jay I am so so sorry. They will be making sure your mum is pain free and comfortable. My dad passed away after a stroke, so I understand what you are going through. Have a safe journey home.
Sorry to hear about your Mum. Stay strong and look after your Dad. Best Wishes John
Very best wishes guys
Went through a similar thing with my mum a couple of years ago and really feel for you both – and your dad. Just in case you get into guilt-tripping territory like I did, you made the right decision to travel again. Safe trip back and look after yourselves x
We are so sorry to hear what you’re going through at the moment. Sending our love, Sarah and Andy xx
What can we say? Only that our thoughts are with you and your family at this horrible time. When we were going through a family crisis a couple of years ago, when on the road, Ju helped a lot with her comments…we simply cant always be there all the time for our family, in person. This is one of those times for you, you still have to travel and quarantine, but your dad in particular, knows that you are with him spiritually. Hard times ahead, but at least you have one another. Hang in there chaps…2020 has been a shitty year. Feel for you sooo much, I cant help crying for you. Lorraine xxx
Safe journey, thinking of you in such a difficult time.
Thanks for all your past amazing posts. Bridget and Geoff.
I just wanted to send you both our heartfelt condolences and huge hugs. Losing a parent rocks your world. You will be in our thoughts. Much love xxx mandy and mike
So very sad to hear your sad news . We know what you are going through as it has happened to us 3 times in 12 years whilst travelling abroad, but even worse for you in these weird times . Your poor dad it must be terrible for him and you all .Best Wishes
Sally
Our hearts are with you and your family at this time. You are an inspiring couple. Your mum must have been so proud. Stay safe x
Mike & Debbie
We are so very sorry to read your blog and you final post update about your Mum’s sad death. These are such hard times and we feel for you. Losing our parents, while one of life’s almost inevitable events, is so hard at the best of times and in this time of enforced separation it is especially painful. You’ve done all you can. Don’t regret a thing – she would have been so proud of you.
So so sorry to hear your news, sending love and best wishes for a safe journey home. Thoughts are with you all x
Stay safe and best wishes to you and your family.
Dear Jay and Ju, such terribly sad news. I’m so pleased you have each other and your families to support you through this difficult time. Best wishes Jacqui
So sorry for your loss. Hard at the moment when you’re reeling from shock and grief, but remember the good times with your mum when she was well. X
Dear Both
So sorry to hear your news and i guess you are feeling pretty shell shocked right and with all the protocols with Covid it doesnt help. But Mum will always be with you and will be watching over you.
Take care and our thoughts and love are with you always
Nick and Ali xx
Sending love and light to you both x
We’re holding you both and those who you love in our prayers. Look after yourselves x
So sorry to read the very sad news. Our thoughts are with you both and your family. Sending our best wishes.
Have a safe trip home.
Anne & Andy x
Very sad to hear your news, made worse by these difficult times. Frustrating to have to quarantine on your return. Word if warning, if you get followed up, respond to the Covid-19 text (Even though it doesn’t look legit). We had the Police round! Wouldn’t want that to add to your distress. Look after each other. Thinking of you.
Dear Ju and Jay
So very sorry to hear your sad news, have a safe journey home.
Our thoughts are with you and your family.
Kind regards
Chris and Keith xx
I am so sorry to hear the sad news of Jay’s Mother’s passing, as always you are both inspiring in the way that you manage to convey facts and information, that others in a similar situation may find invaluable in the future. Thank you for all that you do and the information that you so freely impart and may I wish you a speedy and safe journey home. Best wishes Jeremy
Our deepest commiseration’s to you on the passing of your mother. I afraid it’s sods law, that when you have taken the chance to enjoy a part of some normality under this epidemic, it’s interrupted by the unexpected. Leaving your motorhome at Malaga is an option we might take next year, as Ryanair fly from Bournemouth, where we live. All we have to do is Get There? Enjoy your Isolation, Hope your father is ok, and take care of him. Maybe he might have a break with you when you return to Spain. Take care and keep safe.
Such sad news to receive at any time without the current restrictions making things even more difficult.
If it’s any reassurance to you, should the same set of circumstances have presented themselves to us, we would be taking the same steps as you.
Our deepest sympathies are with you both and we hope everything goes well for you in these especially difficult times
R&S
So sorry to hear of your news,our heartfelt best wishes go out to you both and your family, stay safe.
Jay and Ju, so sorry to hear of your sad news. What a year it’s been. Sending you our sympathy. Take care of each other.
Such sad news for you both, take care and stay safe
We are so sorry to hear your news, it’s hard to find the right words to offer comfort and consolation. We hope you get home ok and that the next few weeks are not too awful – with all that you have to bear on top of quarantine, we can’t imagine how you must be dreading being isolated. Thinking of you both and your family Jay, stay safe x
So sorry to hear about your mum Jay. It would be difficult at any time but so much worse in current circumstances. Hope you and Ju have a safe trip home. I’m sure just knowing you’re home will be a great comfort to your dad. Best wishes
So sorry to hear this news.My mum died whilst we were in Spain suddenly I could not get home .Take Care have a safe journey home.
Kia Kaha to you both from NZ.
My sincerest condolences on your loss. So sad news to deal with whilst away from home and the family. Home is where you need to be right now, adventure can wait x
Such sad news and a logistical nightmare. Thoughts and prays are with you at this very sad and difficult time 😢
Dear Jay & Ju,
Sending lots of love and sympathy for you both at such a difficult time.
Take care of each other, be kind to yourselves. Rob.
Sincere condolences from us to you both. Losing a loved one whilst you are away from home is very hard, as we found out ourselves, but nothing you could have done would have changed a thing, and you wouldn’t even have been allowed into hospital to sat goodbye. Stay strong for each other and for Jason’s dad. The pain will fade but the good memories will be there forever. Best wishes, S&J
Our deepest sympathy for you (all).
As time begins to heal, savour the memories.Travel and Zagan will be always waiting….
B&L
Jay and Ju – I’m so sorry for your loss. Best wishes to you and your families.
Roland
Hi Jason and Julie, I have been following your story from the beginning, though not always up to date and have only now read this very sad post. So very sorry for your loss, There are no words at times like this.
Sending so much love
Sue