Becalmed in a Top Notch Motorhome Aire at Neufchâtel-en-Bray, Normandy
Zagan the motorhome’s fridge found itself flooded the other day, at least the back bit where a flame’s supposed to flicker. In a zealous washing whirl, Ju had decided to fill both sinks with soapy water to flush the pipes through before we pootled over to the service point at our last stop. A few moments later the *click*, *click*, *click* sound of a struggling fridge came forth, a sorry sound in the world of motorhomes. We peered at the injured thing, faffed about trying to relight it, faffed about with the gas, and did some more staring at it before realising the deluge must have rushed up to the drain positioned in the hob, itself positioned above the fridge, and which must have a leak. Sod it.
We were planning on rolling up to Dieppe about 20km away, which has two large motorhome aires in the port. I’d fancied getting up there to see some action. Exactly what sort of action I’d envisaged even I was unclear on, but *something* must be happening in a large port? Reading the reviews on park4night.com, the previous denizens were perhaps a little unkind, bemoaning the fact the town is noisy (it’s a working port?) and the electricity only works on a schedule, so comes on for a couple of hours then goes off for a couple more. Presumably this last part was to make it suitable for leisure battery charging while keeping the price of the aire down, but no-one seemed chuffed with this state of affairs. As our fridge now ne marche pas avec le gas (it was bust), we needed always-on mains hook-up at least until the thing dried out and we could test that really was the problem.
Out came the database again and up bloomed the spot we’ve been glued to for the past couple of days, and likely a day or two more. We’re at an aire in Neufchâtel-en-Bray, all of about 5 minutes from our last stop and a convenient distance from one of the main free fast roads north-south to the east of Paris (N49.73685, E1.42905). The term ‘aire’ is a bit of a catch all for everything from a sloping car park alongside the local train line all the way up to, well, this kind of spot. We’re in what I’d call a ‘motorhome campsite’, designed specifically for campervans and motorhomes who don’t want the full services of a campsite, but like having a hedged pitch with a grassy and gravel areas to sit in, dry the laundry (€5 a go on the washing machine and there’s a dryer too), cook al fresco, feed the ducks, read, sup your favourite tipple and comment, again, on how sunny it is. The aire’s co-owned by a full campsite next door, and costs €12 for 24 hours, including services and access to a unisex loo (feels weird using the urinals when ladies walk in) plus a shower, the latter costs a bit extra so we’ve just used our own. A chap on a sit-on lawnmower manicures the place each morning.
We’re still besides the Avenue Verte here, the green route which used to be a train line and runs all the way from Dieppe to Paris (extending to London apparently, although clearly that requires popping your bike on a ferry at some point). Walking 200m brings you to an E Leclerc supermarket, and another 100m or so upgrades you to a Lidl (that’s a tad tongue in cheek – the E Leclerc is MUCH posher). It’s a similar amble into town, with its shops, takeaways and restaurants.
When the sun shines, as it currently does (I’ve cooked my noggin, so am hiding inside from the heat while I write this), this spot’s tip top. Ah, a quick aside on the shopping: we’d guessed groceries here in France are more expensive than at home. Using Lidl’s common food items as a basis of a straw poll, we’ve worked out most stuff costs roughly 15% to 25% more here than at home. Diesel is about €1.47 a litre around here, roughly £1.30, about the same as the UK. The weak pound won’t be helping matters on the groceries front, I guess, but access to low cost and free overnight stops still means it’s cheap roaming out here for us two, we’re not complaining (plus Ju packed like we were going to the moon/Norway before we left the UK).
The aire here’s been pretty popular, filling up in the late afternoon and emptying in the morning, a combination of French, Dutch, German and British vans mainly, with the odd Belgian popping by. Chatting with an English couple when we arrived, Peter (who turned out to be 81) relayed how he’d fallen from his bike on the Avenue and spent the afternoon in Dieppe hospital. Having been x-rayed and ultra-sounded he was finally declared fit to leave and turned loose with no payment required, despite the fact they’d forgotten their EHICs (EU health insurance cards). The only aspect they did have to shell out for was the taxi-ambulance, which only took cash so they were relieved to find they had the necessary €40-odd on them. When we waved them goodbye they were off to pick up their bikes from a local French fella who’d offered to keep them safe, and we got a text later to re-assure us they had their steeds and were happily (if painfully bruised) off to the port to head home.
Where next for us? Hmmmm. Our mates are hitting the road in the morning and will slingshot past us probably mid afternoon. They’re driving from Nottingham to the Loire in a single day, getting the most from their holiday, who can blame ’em. We’ll catch them up some time next week, giving the poor souls a few days to settle in an explore before we pop up in among the chateau. So, next stop will be somewhere between here and there, assuming we can detach ourselves from this wee Normandy paradise.
Cheers, Jay
P.S. This postscript may exceed common bounds of decency. Read on at your peril.
I almost forgot. The aire here is perfect in all regards but one. For some god-forsaken reason the otherwise diligent owner’s installed a loo emptying contraption of his own design, which has the rather fatal flaw of a kind of grid thing at the bottom. If you’ve ever had the pleasure of using a cassette toilet, which has been fully employed for its intended purpose in life, you’ll know it contains more than mere liquid. The design of this particular shining metal receptacle had, for reasons utterly beyond me, capped off the big hole at the bottom with a kind of poo-filter, above which anything larger than a rabbit tod is bound to be trapped, staring up at you, delighted it has a second chance to feel the light of day. As I glanced down at the grill in advance of actually using it, this soon-to-be-proven truth was clear to me, having come across similar challenges in the past. I stood cursing it when a fellow Brit pointed at the hose pipe: “that’s what the pipe’s for”.
A few moments later I found myself chopping up my own poop using a blast of water which, I couldn’t help but notice, was also atomising the brown matter and filling the otherwise fresh air with the fecal stuff. Feeling the eyes of said fellow Brits on my back, from their armchair position a few meters away, I opted to try refilling the cassette with water and flushing the whole thing away in one go before starting the big pour. The result: stupidity prevailed. With a half-full cassette my monkey-brain decided to give it a quick shake to dislodge any reticent contents, at which point the box coughed out a good glob of poo-water, across my face, short, shorts and legs. I need not describe the stench, or my resulting mood swing. Hoping against hope no-one had witnessed this, I completed the accursed task of poo chopping and chasing, put the cassette away and almost crashed the van as I reversed it out in a huff.
The best of it all: this isn’t the first time I’ve managed this full-length-shit-spraying maneuver. The last time was in Finland, where afterwards I walked fully-clothed into the shower, a good move I thought. This time I opted to chuck my gear into a bucket with enough washing liquid to float a warship before scrubbing myself down like a heart surgeon with OCD. Yep, the motorhome life’s pretty awesome fiolks, but for gawd’s-sake folks, don’t be like Jay: pop the cap on before you shake the box…
Thanks for a good belly laugh this afternoon, I know we shouldn’t laugh at poo gate, but I know the aire well and I can imagine it all happening.
Perhaps a little late and not sure if it works every time but…. I used the shower at this aire, popped in my required euro coin and out it popped again, thus giving me a free shower in the process. Somehow I wish I’d told you this earlier as you may have wanted another fully clothed shower.
Thbaks again for another great entertaining read.
Absolutely hilarious – Done exactly the same myself so I feel your pain!!
We are back on the road to France next month, in our own van this time after the trip of a lifetime to New Zealand and Australia where we hired vans for three months. Think it would have been cheaper to ship Frank out there!!
Check out our blog http://www.wheretwo.co.uk/blog and Instagram @wheretwo_ontheroad
You guys have been a never ending source of inspiration and advice since we started this vanlife malarkey – and we are now retired and hoping to mirror some of your big trips over the next few years (mind you, it will probably be only three months at a time now!!)
Be great if you could add our details to your site as following other people’s trials and tribulations is one of the joys for us!!
Happy travelling,
Mark and Jo
Hi Mark – thanks for the kind words and it’ll be interesting to read about your tour of New Zealand. Of course I’ll add your blog details to our fellow travellers page, it will be an honour. I’ll do it next time I pop a blog post up fella.
Happy travels! Cheers, Jay
:-) :-) :-) Haven’t laughed so much in months, both of us. I think we’ve all been close to getting covered in ‘it’, its a necessary part of ‘van life’. But such a funny post, please continue to post an …’And finally’… section.
Diesel prices seem to slowly rise, the farther south you get, €1.50-60 in the south of France, surprisingly just the same in Italy, we were expecting it to be more expensive in Italy from the articles we had read, but it seems to be about the same.
Warm (25*) down here in Genoa, humid and sticky with it.
You know what a joy it is to drive around Genoa !! */!!**&^%$£” …..arse!
The Loire is a beautiful river, it’s just waiting for you. ;-).
Good luck with the fridge.
Kindest, Wayne.
Haha! Genoa!!! Hair-thinning bl00dy drives around that part of the world! The fridge has arisen and again stays cold on a gas flame (still seems odd that). Our mates arrived in France yesterday and promptly sling-shotted right past us to the Loire. 10 days (ish) done in 13 hours of driving. We’ll catch em up, no rush.
Enjoy Bella Italia – the Borolo wine region was a rather nice area but I can’t remember exactly where it is – somewhere down your way.
Cheers, Jay
Especially loved the hilariously written postscript; been there, done that, ruined the t-shirt!
Great post reminded me of the similar Poo fiasco from the RV film ! On a more pleasant note we stopped at the campsite next door last year whilst travelling south. Not sure if the campsite restaurant is open as yet, but we enjoyed a nice meal there at a reasonable price. Lovely area would definitely go back. Enjoy !
As complete newbies we retire in 1 week, start travelling mid June and I’ve spent the past 3 months devouring you’re blogs and info pages. After reading this I’m now rethinking the task allocation discussion and my name may slide off this task. Hilarious but great as a bit of a heads up. 😂🙈
Our top tip for motorhome life has always been ‘keep your mouth closed when emptying the loo’! Enjoy your adventures x
I’ve come across a few cassette emptying points with grids. Always baffles me as to why anyone should think this was a good idea. Also been splattered with contents a few times. Our funniest (I suppose it depends the way you look at it) toilet incident was on our first tour when I forgot to tell Sarah I was taking the cassette and she chose that moment for a No. 2!!! What a job (pun intended) that was to clean up. All part of motorhoming’s rich tapestry!
Oh man, that’s a messy job Tim!!! Thankfully we’ve avoided it so far :-). Yep, emptying one’s loo certainly helps keep one humble! Cheers, Jay
Hi Jay & Ju
Have followed your blog for a long time, and now on year-long career break, applying your info.
This post was indeed Laugh Out Loud. Had to comment. Thanks for all the information/inspiration/stories/life experiences you share. I along with obviously so many others, have our lives enriched as a result.
Cheers Jackie, thanks for your kind words and have a fantastic year! Jay